Is Monogamy A Myth? Part One

Infidelity and the temptation of it are not uncommon themes in literature. My writings are included. The theme of The Man Test is discovering infidelity. I've always been fascinated by the psychology of lying and how we can be so deceitful. Trying to uncover one of the most of unforgivable acts of deceits, I came across infidelity,which is the act of being sexually and/or emotionally unfaithful. 

I find this subject extremely fascinating. Why are people, particularly men, unfaithful? What causes it? Can it be prevented? Is the act of infidelity really so black and white? This series of questions and research led me to the ultimate question, because we know that women can be unfaithful too. Are humans made to be monogamous?  

Check out this video by sex columnist Dave Savage that I really enjoyed and let me know your thoughts. I'll share mine in a later post. 

A Small World Happenstance

It’s no surprise or coincidence that life is full of surprises and coincidences. Okay, I don’t really believe in coincidences. And though I’m a writer, I couldn’t have made this up. Let me explain…

I just returned from visiting my hometown of San Diego where I stayed with my new friend who is also my old neighbor. Back in April, I attended a conference in Florida at the Florida Nature and Culture Center. I was there with friends and saw many familiar faces, and I was quickly introduced to a new one. At least, I think you can call it a new one. Her name was Samantha and there was something familiar about her. A significant connection perhaps? I couldn’t place it in the moment and finally decided that she resembled my favorite singer Sara Bareilles.

I was partially right, as she was also a fan. That evening we found ourselves in the main hall playing Sara B. on the piano. So yeah, I liked her right away. Later that weekend, I learned she had been stationed in a neighboring city and knew many of my friends. She even attended some of the same events that I did, but for some reason we never crossed paths. Through more conversation, I found out that she grew up in the same San Diego neighborhood that I did. Finally, I asked her what street she lived on and guess what? We lived on the same street!

Samantha and I googled our old addresses and realized that not only had we lived on the same street, but lived next door to each other for almost four years and didn’t know it. On top of that, we dated brothers at different times as teens. Coincidence? Hmm…

She is about four years younger so we never attended the same schools. Neither of us really remembers each other. I do remember her cute little white dog getting into our yard a lot. Funny…I have a cute little white dog now. She remembers stealing lemons from my backyard lemon tree. So this is a legitimate story.

After learning all of this, I realized the connection I felt to her wasn’t so much about Sara Bareilles, but something bigger. The universe clearly wanted us to meet and tried several times to bring us together, but it wasn’t until a conference in Florida that we finally connected. We got along so well, but it made me sad to know that we missed out on sixteen years of friendship. That’s why it was great to spend some more time with her in San Diego where she currently resides. We visited our old neighborhood and met the young gentleman who lives in my old room. The neighborhood has changed and our old houses are sporting new paint, but being there with her was an amazing experience.

She has been a wonderful addition to my life, and I look forward to our growing friendship. It really is a small world. In the meantime, I wonder what else or whom else the universe has in store for me. How many others have been set along my path that I’ve missed?

I’m sure many of you have a story like this. Please share it with me.

This is me in front of my old house. I love this house.

Samantha and Me

This backyard used to have a lemon tree and no grass.
I like the new white picket fence.

Seven Wisdoms I Learned From Ally McBeal

I know what you’re thinking; Ally McBeal has been off the air for ten years. So why bother writing about it now? Well, a good show never really goes out of style, which is why syndicated reruns exist. Ally’s waify frame and clunky shoes might be passé, but as long as young, single women are braving the world and asking life’s most complex questions, the content will always be relevant. Allow me to share these seven valuable wisdoms I learned from watching Ally McBeal.

Seven: Everyone Should Have a Theme Song

In the first season, Ally is encouraged by her therapist to have a theme song that she can conjure when things get rough. Ally’s song is Searchin’ My Soul by Vonda Shepard, same as the show’s theme song. After watching this season, I got myself a theme song too; Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae. When I’m having a bad day or at a cross roads, I turn this on for empowerment. And, it works.

Six: At The End of a Hard Day, Dance Your Stress Away

This show is famous for its timeless soundtrack and impromptu dance numbers. I’ve never heard of lawyers breaking out into a dance in the middle of the workday, but it should be a rule. For most of us, blasting music and dancing at work isn’t a suitable option, but at home you’re the boss. If you really want to alleviate some stress, dance it out. Seriously, go for it. Dance like no one is watching and you’ll feel better.

Five: Sometimes In Life You Need a Moment, Take It

I don’t know about you, but all day I’m overwhelmed with calls, emails, texts, meetings, work, household duties, and other responsibilities. Sometimes it gets to be too much, and when it is I step away, take a breath, and take a moment. Just giving your brain a rest for that short time can to wonders.

Four: Almost Anything Can Be Cured With a Bygone

For all you grudge holders out there, this one’s for you. Richard Fish coined the phrase on the show as a way to transition a discussion. Especially if the discussion was about something he did wrong. A bygone is a form of burying the hatchet. Let the petty things roll off your shoulder and let bygones be bygones.

Three: Hope Is Always There for Those Who Believe

Now we’re getting to the deeper and more important wisdoms. Hope isn’t something you’re given, but something you allow yourself. I learned that real revolution comes from optimism and there is no truer form of optimism than hope.

Two: If You Look Back on Your Year & It Doesn’t Bring You Tears Of Joy or Sadness, Consider It A Waste

Wisdom of the wise John Cage, probably the most notable character on the show. This one really gave me perspective about personal growth and revolution. Someone once told me that if you’re not growing you’re dying. It’s been my experience that growing leads to struggle and strain, but as you overcome those growing pains it brings joy.

One: If You Take A Chance on Anything, Take A Chance On Love

This is my favorite wisdom of all, such a beautiful notion of following your heart. Love is the most wonderful thing in the world, and yet the act of falling in love can be terrifying. After all, the lack of control is why it’s called falling in love. But as risks go, this is the most worthwhile. In concluding this final Ally McBeal wisdom, I want to dispense some of my own advice on love. Love yourself, love all others, and fall in love any chance you get.